Have you ever thought about
how much we lie to ourselves? Think about it. How many times
do you talk yourself out of what you are feeling because
your truth might hurt somebody. Or you tell yourself that
you are not smart enough or not beautiful enough or rich
enough or buff enough. Is that the truth? Or is there a
habit in the mind to tell ourselves these lies.
We are well programmed from our childhood
"domestication" to lie to ourselves. And to each
other. Oh, we hold a value that says we are honest, and
we don't really intend to lie. It is more like we fool ourselves.
Tell the truth now, don't you pretend to like some people
more than you really do? Maybe you even pretend to like
yourself more than you really do.
Do you go to a party and act on top of
life, secure and happy, then go home and beat yourself up
for what you said and how much you ate or who's name you
forgot? We lie to the party about how we feel about ourselves,
and then we come home and tell ourselves the worst lie of
all: that we are not good enough the way we are.
And what about the promises you make to
yourself about what you will do in the future, when there
is no reasonable chance that you will do it? "I will
go to the gym every day and work out for two hours."
"I will stop eating chocolate forever." "From
now on I will be loving and compassionate, and not judge
people anymore." It is as though we are trying to convince
some part of ourselves to quit nagging us... we will do
what it says, just leave us alone! And it is a lie, because
we can't possibly live up to the expectations we create
with our lies. "Tomorrow I will start (stop) doing
whatever it is that I said I would start (or stop) today
but didn't."
We don't have to lie to ourselves anymore,
but it takes courage. To not lie means to tell ourselves
the truth. The truth about how we feel, what we think, what
we are, what we do. It may not be pretty, it may be messy,
but the truth is, it is the truth! The first step
is the awareness that we are lying to ourselves, and to
the world. Then we have a chance to explore the belief systems
and old programming from our domestication as children,
to see what we are afraid of and how we might want to reprogram
our beliefs.
The work/play, then, is the transformation
of our fears and beliefs and agreements... to relearn everything
we know and believe about ourselves... to choose to be happy,
and to learn how. The tools of the Toltec path are simple
and direct ways to transform the fear and suffering of the
past into the love and happiness of the present and future.
"... so let us not talk falsely now,
the hour is getting late." Bob Dylan, from "All
Along The Watchtower."
